Labor Day Greetings

Justice Minotaur’s office received its first Labor Day greeting card for this year.* The front of the card is a photograph of a left-handed platypus and gives the hours of operation for an “interactive” zoo called Before the Flood, at which animals are evidently released at random throughout the daylight hours. The printed greeting on the inside of the card reads as follows: “Christensen & Ben-Judah LLP is thrilled to announce that the office will be closed for Labor Day, while reminding you that we can and still do discriminate based on sexual orientation, weight, and other classes that have not yet been recognized as protected.” The card is hand signed by someone who identifies himself as “Shemmy, the son of Shemmy.” Justice Minotaur remarked that it seemed statistically improbable that two instances of the same bizarre and rare name would occur within the same family. Mr. Cornwall reminded the justice that a son is often named after his sire, meaning that one would generally expect clusters of the same name within a particular family–and it is for this reason that strange names are often perpetuated among us.

Mr. Cornwall could find no record of any Shemmy having ever been employed for Christensen and Ben-Judah LLP, a law firm headquartered in Zarahemla, New Salem. The only Shemmy found in the public record is either a junior accountant at the New York City offices of Deloitte & Touche or a Guamese culler.

*For those not familiar with New Salem holidays, Labor Day is celebrated on the first Monday of September (except by those following the French Revolutionary calendar), but the celebration is a little different than in the United States. In New Salem, employees are required to report to work an hour early for mandatory relaxation time, under the watchful eye of management. After these sixty minutes of refreshment they are expected to gird up their loins, so to speak (though some may also literally undergo a girding process), and put heart, mind, and hand toward working in the interests of capital for another year.


4 thoughts on “Labor Day Greetings

  1. Justice Minotaur: I once received a Labor Day greeting card from the Grand Duke of Luxumbourg. He told me to “get a life.”

    • Justice Minotaur is shining his croquet mallet and not able to reply. Mr. Cornwall extends to you his warmest greetings.

  2. I know a Shemmy who works as a trader for a small hedge fund located in Hoboken that focuses primarily on trading in the futures of various agricultural commodities. He has developed somewhat of a speciality in the trading of rubber. I wonder what the justice would make of that–not of the fact that I know a Shemmy, but rather of his choice to chart a career in the commodities trading business based on rubber. I understand that the justice has some strong opinions concerning the eventuality of wooden car tires.

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