Journal entry, 1/5/14: Justice Minotaur today excoriated Mr. Cornwall at the aquarium, in front of some one hundred onlookers, for “not being absolutely, 100 percent comprehensive” in posting yesterday’s list of marketing ideas generated by Justice Minotaur and his cousin Teancum Syrups. Mr. Cornwall failed to list one item, which is now listed below. In Mr. Cornwall’s defense, the reason he did not list this item is it appeared to be in more of a draft state whereas the remainder of the list (the portion that was posted) was polished to a very high sheen.
Hindenburg’s Pizza Kitchen and Breadstick Express*
Rudolph M. Hindenburg (knocking at front door of pizza restaurant): “Knock, knock.”
Tina Yothers (opening door and looking out): “Who’s there?”
Rudy: “It’s Rudy Hindenburg, assistant manager of this store–that is, the downtown Hindenburg Pizza location.”
Tina: “Great to meet you, Rudy. I’m Tina Yothers. You know, from the hit American sitcom Family Ties.“
(They shake hands vigorously, then Rudy steps into the restaurant and Tina and Rudy both stand side-by-side and turn toward camera.)
Rudy: “Yeah, we don’t recognize you because of the weight gain. But it really is you. Everyone used to love that show.”
Tina: “Thanks, Rudy. And everyone loves Hindenburg’s Pizza. But lately some people have been telling half-truths about the business.”
Rudy: “That’s right, Tina. Thanks for mentioning that. People have been saying that human waste was served in some of our pizzas over a period of several years. And that is true.”
Both: “But it’s only half true. And that’s as good as a lie.”
Tina: “What’s the other half, Rudy?”
Rudy: “The other half is that this all ended more than three months ago, and we’re back and stronger than ever. And our family has been through a lot since then. Thank goodness for strong family ties. (Becomes emotional.) My dad almost had to go to jail. He’s still not allowed to have a food handler’s permit. Mom’s had to run the business, but that’s not easy when you’re on dialysis.”
Tina: “You’ve got that right, Alex P. Keaton! I mean, Rudy.”
Rudy: (laughs) “It’s like the show never ended. I feel like I am on set with the great Michael Gross, the lovely Meredith Baxter-Birney, and the other immortals, including you, Tina.”
Tina (flirty voice): “Oh, stop.”
Both: “Hindenburg Pizza. Back and better than ever!”
*Please do not come to the drive-through and ask for anything other than breadsticks. We can’t fit a pizza out the little window. Again, don’t even ask. It’s not called “Pizza Express.” It’s called “Breadstick Express”–meaning, breadsticks fast, through the window.
[end of marketing idea]
I, [paste your name here] Eric of Cornwall, do solemnly apologize to Justice Korbin Minotaur for [list your rank offense(s) here] forgetting to include the Hindenburg’s Pizza Kitchen and Breadstick Express marketing idea in the original blog posting.
I feel a substantial degree of sorrow and self-loathing for my crime(s) and swear, by my troth, to not commit this/these crime(s) again against good Justice Minotaur. I also avow between and amidst the seas, the mountains, the loam underfoot, and the ether that fills my lungs that this apology is genuine and that I am not merely going through a formality out of duress or compulsion or to simply make the peace or get out of an awkward situation–and most particularly I am not doing this with a sneer on my face or with a certain haughty flourish such as children will do when they are asked to do something they don’t want to do, and they do it with contempt and chin lifted high as if to show that they are above the deed.
/signed/ Eric of Cornwall