Journal entry, 5/14/14: Justice Minotaur attended the wedding today of a cousin of his, Leah Pies. Actually, the wedding was of two cousins, Pies and Caspian Fatigues, who evidently did not know they were cousins until each of them introduced the other to their only living grandfather, who was one and the same person, Colonel Tribal Mustard, who was also the preacher who married them.
At a lunch immediately after the exchange of vows (which was done in some kind of moonman language), there was an opportunity for guests to say something into what was called an “open” microphone. Minotaur arose and advised the couple to eat fresh game diurnally and demonstrated the Grecian bend posture. He then presented his gift to the bride, a set of custom-made trading cards for twenty-four different Rambouillet sheep on Mintotaur’s ranch. The front of each card was a dagguerotype of each beast; the reverse gave biographical and statistical data, such as name, birth date, projected savoriness of meat, handedness, and any special powers.
The photography session after the lunch was the length of a bad epic poem. Nearly every possible combination of individuals was photographed separately. Combinations included the following:
-the children, the florist, and the uncles
-the bridesmaids, any prediabetic individuals, and the limo driver
-the organist, the caterer, and the person who would have been the best man if the other one had not accepted
-Colonel Mustard with the preacher
-the bride, the groom, and any elves