Tips for a Stress-Filled Holiday

Having “endured yet another miserable Yuletide,” Justice Korbin Minotaur hereby offers tips for how to increase one’s stress level during the holidays:

-Make a list of all the gifts you would need for all the people on your Christmas shopping list for the next fifty years. Then go buy all those things and store them in your garage.
-Buy an unusually expensive gift and write on the tag, “For my secret lover, Korki. I will never admit the truth of our relationship.” Leave this where your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend will find it.
-Convince your dentist to pull at least half your teeth.
-Print a stack of business cards giving your name and social security number. Pass these out at a concert.
-Max out a credit card on a family of nonreturnable parrots.
-Steal an ambulance and drive it in circles around a bank.
-Think about all the people you have hurt or disappointed.


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