Job Postings

Job openings have been posted at Justice Minotaur’s chambers. The justice has asked Mr. Cornwall to reproduce the posting here.

Job Openings, January 2015

These are openings with the chambers of Justice Korbin Minotaur. Pay will vary depending on position, experience, and whether your parents hold political office. Postings are subject to closing without notice. To apply for a position, please submit a resume along with a payment of five hundred American dollars (cash) to the court clerk. As a reminder, New Salem does not have any laws against discrimination.

Helper. Cut hair; feed llamas; teach Chinese to business executives.

Accountant. Ability to carefully disguise losses as profits; be willing to be set up on blind dates with various people’s siblings.

Plumber. Must have love for unclogging toilets as profound as that expressed in our greatest romantic literature.

Photographer’s assistant. Familiar with different places to take undeveloped film–Costco, Walgreens, etc.

Tailor. Must be able to sew secret pockets into clothing in which to keep ketchup packets.

Firefighter. Excellent written communication skills required; firefighting experience a plus.

Girlfriend. Must be able to vacuum in straight lines.

Stevedore. Desire to sail with Odysseus and bring Blackbeard to justice (but will never actually board ship).

Lime wringer. Self-explanatory.

Lime wringer’s assistant. Talk to lime wringer so s/he doesn’t go bananas from wringing limes all day long.


One thought on “Job Postings

  1. I will be submitting an application. Will my previous experience as a ‘lemon wringer’ qualify for the “lime wringer’ position, or do you discriminate
    in the case of fruits?

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