Journal entry, 22 Frimaire 225: Three days ago, this web log provided a transcript of a document in which Justice Minotaur advocated for certain “surprise twists” to be incorporated into Shakespeare’s plays for local performances. Minotaur later revealed to Mr. Cornwall over drinks (the two split a huge bottle of equine cough syrup) some additional surprise twists he “expects and trusts” will be included in next season’s line-up:
At the wedding of Kate and Petruchio, the dry remains of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton are shot into the audience by a large slingshot.
Caesar spends most of the play starching his robe and never does make it to the fateful meeting with the senators. When his ghost appears, the two talk awkwardly like exes seeing each other at a party.
Henry IV Part I is performed in utter darkness in a Volkswagen large enough only for the cast. This spares anyone from actually having to see the performance.
The hump on Richard III’s back is formed of a huge quantity of Gouda.
Once Birnam wood reaches Dunsinane, it makes an unexpected turn southwest and keeps on going clear to Costco in Glasgow.