The following letter was received today at the Compound. The letter was inscribed by hand in green ink on the plain interior side of a box of Post brand Raisin Bran. It is unknown if all the cereal was eaten before the box was used in this manner.
January 26, 2017
Dear Judge Minotaur,
Forgive me for intruding on your peace, but I have a knotty situation that I believe only you can unravel. By way of introduction, I am Hecuba Promontory. My only sister bore an only child, a male, whom she named Adolf Susan Stalin. Two years ago, my sister and her husband both perished after eating extremely old dumplings, and my husband and I took charge of the boy, who is now 12.
It seems the boy is the subject of great ridicule at school. You are a wise judge and know the hearts of men, and I believe you will be able to help us tell why he is being teased by his classmates and what we can do to try to minimize this. He reports that in his gym class, the class is so large that the instructor takes roll by calling out the initials of each boy rather than the full name. Adolf reports that there is always much tittering as his initials are called out. I suspect that if we analyze this situation more we may find a clue to this mystery. The only other possible clue I have–though I don’t know the significance of it–is that every day when I collect his dirty clothes from under his bed, his Hello Kitty undershorts are sogged all through.
p.s. You shall be compensated fairly.
p.p.s. My husband has been in a neck brace and unable to work since 1998. Please forgive the foul and hateful things he will say to and about you.