Elevator Conversation Starters

This evening while rolling an underwetted quantity of oatmeal into a giant ball, Justice Minotaur revealed the following “things that can be said by a man or a woman to get conversation started on a long elevator ride”:

  1. “To think that only yesterday I was in the back of a squad car being questioned about the disappearance of my mother.”
  2. “How are you supposed to know what country you are in when this magical capsule opens up?”
  3. “I am having fish burgers delivered here in about 20 minutes if you care to join me.”
  4. “You are one of the few people who would probably look good with a face tattoo.”
  5. “When those doors close, I always feel like I have been swallowed up as prey by some kind of terrible flying lizard.”
  6. “How has the whole Greek yogurt craze affected the lives of you and yours?”
  7. “Try calling me Tommy and see what happens.”
  8. “We received the strange news this a.m. that our doberman has a son living in Washington DC.”
  9. “If you were my cousin, I would marry you.”

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On Tomatoes

Minotaur saith: “Every time I eat grape tomatoes I feel like I am the Steward of Gondor.” Further Minotaur saith not.


This is not Minotaur.

Journal Entry: Literature Course

Journal entry, 30 Germinal 225: Until today Minotaur had been taking an American literature course through the New Salem Branch Agricultural College, Wet Heirlooms campus (no one knows why it was named that). A few weeks ago the students were assigned to read the complete writings of William Faulkner. After completing one novel, The Bear, this morning, Minotaur began to pray fervently that Faulkner would die so that his literary production would be cut short. Mr. Cornwall soon informed Minotaur that Faulkner had died in 1962. “It would take a more faithful man than I,” Minotaur said, “to pray in sincerity for an undoing of time itself.” Minotaur then instructed Cornwall to have the class dropped and to buy about $800 (New Salemite) worth of plastic lace for boondoggle for Minotaur.