List of lawsuits currently pending before Justice Minotaur, as reported by the court deputy clerk, Integrity Shears:
Prefontaine v. Hindenburg Motor LLC. Plaintiff alleges that self-driving automobile manufactured by defendant will drive only to Skipper’s Seafood.
Dunsinane v. Louisville Crimson Clovers LLC. Plaintiff, who attended minor league baseball game at defendant’s facility in early May, claims that outcome of between-innings race by persons in fruit costumes was predetermined.
Clark v. Simpson. Plaintiff alleges that his roommate, a young Mormon man who returned six months ago from a full-time missionary assignment in South America, “is capable of speaking perfect English but occasionally slips in Spanish words and phrases–especially ‘charlas’–when talking to girls.”
Haig v. Tiny Watson’s Mercantile LLC. Plaintiff sues on the grounds that undershorts plaintiff purchased at defendant’s general merchandise store “seem to become soggy every morning.”
Habsburg v. Hohenzollern Publishing LLC. Plaintiff alleges that denouement of novel bearing defendant’s imprint is “total downer.”
Nephilim v. Pequenos Keebleros LLC. Plaintiff, a self-described “constantly thirsty landscaper,” asks for punitive damages against the owner-operator of a soda machine that “is always out of the good kinds, leaving [plaintiff] no choice but to purchase Sierra Mist.”
Marbury v. Madison. Plaintiff brings suit in equity, seeking to ban defendant from saying “totally 90s” terms such as “Aight” and “What’s the dealio?”