Starting Lineups

Minotaur has an old program from when he watched the New Salem Junior Musketmen square off against the Kroger (TM) Two-Alarm Chilis in a game of Tiptap. He has asked that Mr. Cornwall transcribe the “starting lineups” portion of the program on this electronic newspaper. When asked who had prevailed in the contest, Minotaur answered, “I think it was canceled after the 4th sortie on account of a heavy dew.”

Starting Lineups, June 8, 1974

NEW SALEM MUSKETMEN

Wrencher: Babi Capernaum

Ballman: Shad Chadwell

Slide Forward: Jerk Trimester

Rear Forward: Knifemike Kim

Blocker: Chastity Ralphedbraut

Gripper: Podium Welcher

Reeve: Hello Clarisse

Bugler: Sturgeon Steel, DMD

Attacking Wingback: Phred Hurtwood

Sentry A: Gordon B. Monson

Sentry B: Foreign Shears

Technician: Joseph Stalling

Fine Leg: Poinsettia Kryzmhgg-LaFleur

KROGER (TM) TWO-ALARM CHILIS

Wrencher: An Vernix

Ballman: Spanish R. Leaflet

Slide Forward: Southern Curves

Rear Forward: Amanda U. Self-Howitzer

Blocker: Spikes Delish

Gripper: Socrates J. C. Penney Charlemagne

Reeve: Re-order Chub

Bugler: Lt. Col. Gonzago Kissimmee

Attacking Wingback: Bert Hindenburt

Sentry A: Romeo Pork

Sentry B: CTR Dahmer

Technician: Vicky Grape Tumultuousness

Fine Leg: Ewe Woolsey

UMPIRING CREW

Superior Judge: Eucerin Johnson

Left Referee: Mrs. Hrothgar O. Buttars

Centerpoint: Anthony Philip Michael Thomas Hall

Outside Official: Michael Jordam

Glovemaster: Persian Bridalshiv

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Roommates in the Merchant Marine

Justice Minotaur today dictated the following list of individuals who he said were his roommates when he was in the merchant marine. He also added comments on a few of the names.

Geoff Bedwetter (“In one breath, he could belch the name of everyone to ever hold the rank of brigadier general or above in the United States Army”)

Multiple Hinds

Tim Savvings and Britt Loan (“These guys were always snorkeling”)

Exile Dupree Jr.

At. Night Shiztel

Private Mike Street

Abraham Lincomb (“One of the few left-handers I remember from my 20s”)

Fragger Deficit

K. Kelly Pats

Eggy Whitewater

Seep Myerson (“I think he was probably prediabetic”)

Seep Myersworth (“Or maybe it was this guy who was prediabetic”)

Pretty Wabbit

T. Whitebone Cromulent

Kyle Sportspickle (“He was one-sixteenth Welsh, or maybe it was Chinese”)

Liberty Bell Countryman

Z. Rickymaster

Theodore Prufrock Elfwhisper III (“This dude was always getting beat up”)

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