Memo regarding Egyptian Findings

Date: August 29, 6018 Anno Lucis

To: All Scientists and Leaders of the Known World

From: Justice Korbin Minotaur, Undisclosed Jurisdiction, New Salem

Re: Recent Egyptian Discoveries

Let it be known that I, Justice Korbin Minotaur, am prepared to drink the red skeleton juice and eat the cursed cheese to save Earth and all life thereon from imminent annihilation. Or, rather, I am ready to have my trusted scribe, Eric of Cornwall, quaff the aforementioned Pharaoh sap and consume the Luciferian dairy product so that the planet does not burst into flames reminiscent of Muspelheim.

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Journal Entry: A Fancy Dinner

Journal entry, 6 Fructidor 226: Justice Minotaur this evening hosted an elegant meal at the compound to try to buy the influence of several movers and shakers in the season leading up to elections (under New Salem law, “every judge and barrister in this land shall present himself clean shaven of face and body once every 14 years for a viva voce retention vote on the first Thor’s Day in October, at ten of the clock at the Halls of Justice and Mercy, Sponsored by Deuceman’s Fudge Byytz (TM)”). All the linens, including the toilet lid covers, were replaced with fresh cerulean offerings from Northern Epirus. The menu included skillet-cooked goat arm with beets and jelly beans, ginger-lime baby carrots hand carved like Denisovan phalanges, and key lime pie balls served in the bell of a euphonium.

Conversation was dominated by a tracklayer named Could Marry Agnes, who set forth in perfect Jerriais her views about how humans could survive long term in the hadopelagic zone. The only other guest who was able to get a word in was a wet nurse named Herodias Macbeth, who works part time for Early Shadows Hospital. She spoke proudly of the hospital’s money-back guarantee, which warrants that if “you die while getting any service, the cost of any planned future service not received is waived.”

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