Top Commands to Alexa

Top commands given by English speakers in North America and Guam to Alexa (Amazon’s virtual digital assistant) since May 14, 2017, as reported by Justice Korbin Minotaur Worldwide Consulting and Goat Boots LLC:

“Alexa, convince my wife to stop wearing pantsuits.”

“Alexa, find out whatever channel This Is Us is on and delete the channel from my TV.”

“Alexa, call the government and change my name to Commander Ryam Wu.”

“Alexa, if someone comes in to murder me, start recording and send it to the cops.”

“I need to know something, Caroline. The way we used to be together–I don’t mean lately, but before–it was real, wasn’t it?”

“Alexa, call Murdock Plumbing and tell them we have that tee extractor set in stock. And tell Murdock he can burn in hell if he doesn’t pay for it by Friday.”

“Alexa, play a song that doesn’t royally suck.”

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