Journal Entry: Recursive Dolls

Journal entry, 26 Prairial 226: Justice Minotaur today made an enormous set of recursive dolls with Unbeknownst Darva Conger, a sometime romantic interest of his, from a maple tree whose life had been extinguished by a runaway Mazda Titan Dump. Afterward Minotaur helped her file paperwork for Missing Finger Produce Company LLC.

[This post brought to you by KSL News Radio of Salt Lake City, Utah, United States of America. KSL News Radio: For people who don’t have the Internet.]

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Journal Entry: Visit to Northern Wood

Journal entry, 18 Prairial 228: Justice Minotaur hosted visitors from a foreign delegation today, consisting of representatives from the United States, Timor-Leste, Nauru, Bouvet Island, and the Helvetica Republic. Two gentlemen were there who also professed to be from Verona, though this could not be immediately confirmed and they were confined by authorities in a service station restroom stall pending further investigation.

After showing the delegation how to work the photomechanical copier in chambers, Minotaur took them for a picnic in Northern Wood. Mr. Cornwall was asked to come along to help serve the charcuterie and water the mounts (llamas).

After lunch, the representative from Nauru, one Phoneme Howitzer, shared a myth from his country’s traditions about a magician whose wand had to be rubberized for his own safety. Ambassador Lady Clenched Hold Joy of Timor-Leste then drew a pint of fresh milk from one of the beasts into a reliquary, quaffed it, and belched the Latin alphabet, a feat that drew rich applause. This seemed to be the immediate cause of one of the other llamas going into labor. When the cria came out, the minister from the United States issued it a nonbinary birth certificate, which was signed by everyone else present. The afternoon ended with the men trying to impress Lady Joy by pushing over a small birch tree until it snapped.

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Journal Entry: On Dogs

Journal entry, 3 Prairial 226: Justice Minotaur was accosted by two dogs today while he was out in the plaza pinning up his judicial robes to dry after an accident with drinkable yogurt. He took the occasion to opine that the reason dogs like to bury bones is because “their ancestors were involved in piracy on the open seas.” One of the canines then micturated on the justice’s brogans.

Journal Entry: Naming Issue

Journal entry, 26 Thermidor 225 (Special Pre-Eclipse Entry): Justice Minotaur ruled on an unusual case this week in which two men sued each other under the Statute on Personal Name Conventions. Under the statute, “A man may bring criminal suit against another (and this applies to those of other genders other than the gender of ‘man’) for having a name that is misleading, wrongful, odd, or imbecilic. Any man convicted under this statute shall change his name or serve five years laying railroad track. If any two men shall sue one another under this statute in the same case, then one–and only one–must be convicted, even though both may have the most heavenly name or the most idiotic ever known in the records of man.”

The man who brought the claim was named Sweet Jackie Mango. He sued Frank Hematuria under the statute, who countersued Mango. Justice Minotaur ruled to convict Mango, on the grounds that his name “sounded like a medical condition.” When asked after the case by the bailiff to elaborate on what he meant, Minotaur stated, “I don’t know–it sounds kind of like if you ate too much mango and your insides got all jacked up.”

Chamois Area

If anyone needs to chamois anything off, please do so in the chamois area.

Journal Entry: Second Trip to St. Louis

Journal entry, 20 Messidor 225: Minotaur is scheduled to fly eastward tomorrow, for the second time in as many months, to the city that he believes is called “San Luis” but is actually St. Louis, Missouri, United States of America. Just in time, his first issue of The Frightened Traveler arrived yesterday. This is an eight-page annual printed on brown paper lunch sacks affixed together with industrial staples. Articles in this issue include the following:

Where to Sit if You Think the Plane Will Shear in Two

U.S. Surgeon General’s Report on Ear Damage from the Sucking Low Pressure of Airplane Toilets

On the Likelihood of Feeling Pain if the Plane Goes into a Mountainside

What to Eat to Make the Coroner’s Job Easier

How to Act in an Emergency if You Want to Be the Focus of a Made-for-TV Movie

Forty-Eight Capital Crimes Unique to Burma

The front and back covers of the magazine bear the following label in large red type: “You Can Use the Bags on Which This Magazine Is Printed as Barf Receptables [sic].”

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Journal Entry: Observation on Lotion

Journal entry, 7/7/2017 (Minotaur has temporarily reverted back to regular dating, having lost his French Republican Calendar conversion ruler). Minotaur saith: “Researchers have not been able to artificially reproduce the sound of a man lotioning his own toes with viscous, nourishing body cream.”

[If you are late for dialysis, click here for help.]

Journal Entry: Cynosure

Journal entry, 28 Prairial 225: Justice Minotaur asked the staff to convene this evening in the courtyard of the Sleepy Imaret at eleven o’clock. Some fifteen employees, including Mr. Cornwall, responded to the invitation. When the group gathered, Minotaur instructed them to gaze upon Cynosure, which was done for about one hour, with no one allowed to speak or move, until he finally released the group. During the entirety of the event, a zephyr blew in the most putrid scent from the nearby yard where night soil is blended with landscape debris to make fertilizer.