Journal entry, 21 Messidor 223: Today at chambers a new intern was sworn in to assist with stapling. The swearing-in was an idea Minotaur instituted several years ago to try to impress upon all staff the central role “the court plays in the lives of all people of our miserable and landlocked nation” and the importance of their work in “ensuring justice, fairness, other considerations, and the transmittal of both universal and natural law down to the latest generation.” Even contractors who come in to clean windows or do small-appliance repair (there are at least seventy-two different toaster ovens in chambers, for example) are required to go through a swearing-in before commencing their work. Minotaur also assesses a $125 “processing fee” for each swearing-in ceremony, which is paid directly to one of his ex-wives “for pills.”
The new intern is Sullied Kime, a former acrobat who fled his home country of Nauru after a failed coup against a regional postmaster. After “The Lime” was sworn in (Minotaur gave him this nickname because he was wearing bright green coveralls), a frantic email went out to all staff from the lunchroom coordinator reporting that Kime had placed a nonregulation lunch pail in the common freezer chest. All court work other than assisting with pending animal euthanizations was halted so that as many hands as possible could join in the search. Most staff dedicated their time to searching the restrooms–apparently the chance to enter a restroom used by the opposite gender was a temptation too great for most to resist. Other areas searched included a microwave, a set of file drawers, and on top of the first aid cot in the lobby. After several hours Kime was found–by Kime himself. Since he was new and had by this time traded the coveralls for a black robe to avoid further criticism, hardly anyone knew what he looked like, so he naively joined in the search without being recognized. At some point he asked who or what was the object of the search. When he was told that the search was for intern Kime, he said that this was him, ending the search. His lunch pail was returned to him, sans the lunch (it had been “seized as evidence”), and then he was promptly terminated. On his way out, Kime angrily kicked over a huge diorama representing the execution of Robespierre and some of his followers.