Journal Entry: Visit to Northern Wood

Journal entry, 18 Prairial 228: Justice Minotaur hosted visitors from a foreign delegation today, consisting of representatives from the United States, Timor-Leste, Nauru, Bouvet Island, and the Helvetica Republic. Two gentlemen were there who also professed to be from Verona, though this could not be immediately confirmed and they were confined by authorities in a service station restroom stall pending further investigation.

After showing the delegation how to work the photomechanical copier in chambers, Minotaur took them for a picnic in Northern Wood. Mr. Cornwall was asked to come along to help serve the charcuterie and water the mounts (llamas).

After lunch, the representative from Nauru, one Phoneme Howitzer, shared a myth from his country’s traditions about a magician whose wand had to be rubberized for his own safety. Ambassador Lady Clenched Hold Joy of Timor-Leste then drew a pint of fresh milk from one of the beasts into a reliquary, quaffed it, and belched the Latin alphabet, a feat that drew rich applause. This seemed to be the immediate cause of one of the other llamas going into labor. When the cria came out, the minister from the United States issued it a nonbinary birth certificate, which was signed by everyone else present. The afternoon ended with the men trying to impress Lady Joy by pushing over a small birch tree until it snapped.

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Journal Entry: More Olympics

Journal entry, 2/20/14: Justice Minotaur invited two friends over this evening to watch the Olympics with himself and Mr. Cornwall. Mr. Cornwall had not met these friends before. One of them introduced himself only by his first name, Prior. After being pressed for maybe an hour by Mr. Cornwall, this man finally stated that his last name was Relationship.

The other friend also seemed embarrassed about his name. He said his name was Calrissian. When interrogated at length, he revealed that his first name was Traitor. He was named after the character portrayed by actor Billy Dee Williams in two of the Star Wars films. He reported that his first name may be a scribal error. It is possible his parents intended to name him Trader but that the court clerk instead recorded the near-homophone. Calrissian then proceeded to talk for about an hour about the majesty of Williams’s performance as Gale Sayers in the 1971 made-for-TV movie Brian’s Song.

At this point it was about seven o’clock p.m. Minotaur went to his room and returned with the flag of Timor-Leste, which had become stained with platypus meat lasagna a few nights earlier, and with four of those flesh-colored undershirts that women figure skaters sometimes wear under their costumes. He insisted that anyone who wanted to watch the Olympics with him would be clad in the shirt. Each man took his turn to go to the privy and to don an undershirt under his other clothing. Inasmuch as three of the four men were wearing heavy winter overalls, the new undershirt was hardly noticeable on them. Meanwhile, for Relationship the undershirt did not go well with his lime-green mesh half-shirt.

Minotaur dominated the conversation the rest of the evening with his complaints about how Johan Goncalves, the sole athlete from Timor-Leste competing in these Games, had been “cheated out of his hard-earned treasure.” By the end of the night it had distilled upon Cornwall’s mind that Minotaur had conflated some facts about these Olympics with the 1962 film Lawrence of Arabia and was probably upset that Peter O’Toole did not win an Oscar for his role.

Update:

It is not entirely clear at the moment, as a doctor has been called, but it appears Calrissian is dead on the sofa.

Journal Entry: Olympic Games

Journal entry, 2/8/14: Justice Minotaur’s longtime friend Asiago Brians, an organomegalic miller who lives in a stolen dog catcher’s van, came over after dinner seeking company. Minotaur, Brians, and Mr. Cornwall got into a long debate about the interpretation of Shakespeare’s Dark Lady Sonnets before realizing they had wasted much of the time they could have been watching the Winter Olympic Games on television. There being no athletes from New Salem in the Games, the men were free to pledge their allegiances to competitors of any nation, tongue, or creed. Minotaur went into his bedroom for a moment and returned draped in the flag of Timor-Leste and said he would “kill himself if they are cheated out of the hardware.” As the night wore on, a kind of informal contest broke out–to suggest new Olympic sports that would most likely draw the largest viewing audience. Brians seemed to have the most compelling idea: a sport that asks which competitor can most convincingly and accurately deliver all the lines ever spoken by the character Kraus on TV’s Benson.