The Earliest Christmas Trees

While using his nimble toes to build a log cabin from Popsicle sticks, Justice Minotaur observed that “the earliest Christmas trees” were “little more than some kind of local conifer that after being hacked down was brought inside and decorated like an old lady.”

The Earliest Trials

In teaching a pre-law course today to a group of hobos living by a Chevron dumpster, Justice Minotaur observed that “the earliest trials” were “little more than a situation where two parties advocated competing positions before an ostensibly neutral arbiter for a ruling on which claim had the most merit.”

The Earliest Pickles

Justice Minotaur observed that “the earliest pickles” were “little more than cucumbers that had been marinated in some kind of herbal brine.”

The Earliest Drums

With a deep laugh over the primitive circumstances our forebears found themselves in, Justice Minotaur observed that “the earliest drums” were “little more than a skin or some kind of fabric stretched out over a frame.”

The Earliest Stamps

Justice Minotaur observed that “the earliest stamps” were “little more than a type of certification you would affix to a document to signify that you had paid the cost of delivering it.”

The Earliest Chairs

Justice Minotaur observed that “the earliest chairs” were “little more than a four-legged stool with a back attached, the whole generally being made out of wood or other solid material.”