Journal entry, 8/19/14: From time to time Justice Minotaur is asked not to write something but to review the writing of another person. Following is a sample of Minotaur’s editing dating from the year 1998. The sample comes from a sheet of paper printed with the copy that was given to Minotaur to edit by Gutzon Borglum III, then chief executive officer of Tanamook National Forest, LLC. Minotaur’s comments, originally inscribed in enormous lime green block letters in the margins, are here rendered in italics in square brackets and situated in the passages to which they pertain. Mr. Cornwall has here faithfully reproduced the original copy and all of Minotaur’s comments thereon.
Tanamook National Forest [Minotaur note: is this honestly what the park is called? What a moronic name. Can’t we change “Tanamook” to “Brian’s” or something?] Visitations Guidebook and/or Guide
[Minotaur: map should ideally not be of folding variety, since once a map is unfolded, no one other than Isaac Newton can figure out how to fold it back up. May want to consider publishing on series of Post-It notes.]
Welcome to Manatook National Forest, LLP [Minotaur: ditto comment above re: moronicism]. We hope your family is not aten by wild animals while you recreate with ourselves. These animals are being rounded up and processed into [Minotaur: add “savory” here?] inexpensive frozen dinners as fast as humanly posible. We Hope this project will be completed by the time you next return so that this santcuary will be completely devoided of beasts & critters of any kind.
We also wish to enform you that the land you are standing on now is at issue in massive international litiggation. You may be privilleged to encounter a lawyer at any time. If this should happen, please avoid staring; simply step out of the way and allow the lawyer to carry out her or his crucial work. [Minotaur: add line also about the crucial role of judges in western civilization?]
[Minotaur note: I assume there will be a map here preceding the map key that is below? Otherwise this is more of a riddle than a guide and/or guidebook. The map should positively have one of those gauges on it whereby an inch on the map translates into twelve feet in real life, or whatever the deal is]
1; Ranger Alabama’s general store- if you’re out of savve, jerkey, hatchets, tidetables, ammo, cornea implants, or other provissions, you’ll want to stop in and replenish your stores. but if you do stop in we admonish you to try to avoid talking to Ranger Duke “One Shot, One Kill” Alabama, who has just joined us after being dismissed by the United States Navy SEALS after 18 years of service for mental instability
2– Historic Amphitheatre– This seven-seat, sap-coveredlog ampitheater was built in 1861 at the site where Stephun Memories-Pantaloon had the middle finger of his left hand bited off by a golden eagle after he made an inappropriate gesture to a pin oak.. A fortnightly pageant held yearround since 1872 butcept for during world wars reenacts this dramatic avian-human confrontation from the prespective of a prehistoric man who has been informed about the event by time travellers from the year 2218. [Minotaur note: any way we can get a colon in here somewhere? I believe that mankind evolved from the colon.]
III. Overlook Overlook– From this vantage-point on Mount Tecumseh travellers can look down upon all the overlooks they have passed by on the way up the mountain.; Visitors should be warned that this overlook offers views only of the parking areas of the other overlooks, not the actual vistas available at the other overlooks—for a single overlook that gave access to all vistas would defeat the purpose of having the other overlooks. [Minotaur: The sentiment expressed here was a key that unlocked self-understanding for me as I reviewed this. I thank the author and bless his name.]
4. Belvedere’s well: It is thought that the actor who played Mister. Belvedere in the [Minotaur: add “hilarious” here?] American sit-com of the same name pored out half of a warm creme soda on this spot
5.. Dumpster— Running out of food and money after a week in the forest? Come dive for leftovers in the world’s largest dumpster by a factor of seventy-eight. but watch out for the humongus cobras that thrive on human flesh!
5 Dunsinane’s Shack.Here you will encounter a hermitt named Keebler Dunssinane unless he has died by now. As he is both paranoide and depresed, if you get to talking to him he will undoubtfullly speculate about how your house has burned down or been covered by a mud slide while you have been away.
[page torn; remainder of copy missing]