Justice Minotaur became a paying customer of LoveSoHotItDisfigures.byz, an international dating website, a couple of weeks ago. Complaining that the site “has not yet delivered any quality goods,” Minotaur has asked Mr. Cornwall to post his dating profile here, in hopes of “making the pool both deeper, wider, and purer in one fell swoop.” The profile, as reproduced from the aforementioned website, follows:
About Me
Korbin Minotaur is a justice of the peace serving in Cattywampus, New Salem, an independent nation-state located within the boundaries of the Manti-LaSal National Forest in the State of Utah, United States of America. Justice Minotaur, the owner of real property in fee simple and the sire of one or more natural offspring, is the principal financier of a for-profit burro-shaving operation. He has received tributary produce from extraterrestrials on the pretense that he was a lawful agent of the president of the United States. His passions include tire-wetting chemicals and rotary jails. With the encouragement of his Minneapolis-based publisher, Justice Minotaur is preparing a pamphlet-length biography of the palmer Wilfred of Ivanhoe written in Sumerian. Earlier publication credits include Chimps I Have Sketched (Grande Comore: Subsaharan Publishers, 2001) and the experimental The Full Unwigging of Dolly Parton (Cattywampus: By the author, 2008), a collection of Petrarchan sonnets engraved in petrified biscuits.
About You
-neotenous arms
-knows rules to Six Men’s Morris
-checked for prediabetes (OK if positive, but must disclose on first date)
-doesn’t mind it if Justice Minotaur’s personal scribe is always around
-coarse hair, gray eyes, no marks or brands
Minotaur Saith 
i have the feeling that the proverbial barrels will have been filled to beyond the top with the names of the women who have the interest in the Justice man.